Tip #1 – Stay Alert for Possible Behavior Signs of Abusers
Tip #2 – Stay Alert for Possible Signs in Children
Tip #3 – If Suspicious, Check It Out
Tip #4 – Learn to tell normal sexual behaviors of children from abusive ones
Tip #5 – Talk To Your Children Early and Often


 

Tip #4 – Learn To Tell Typical Sexual Behaviors of Children from              Abusive Ones

Protecting kids from molestation requires being vigilant while still giving children freedom to learn about their world, make friends, and become independent adults.

Parents and professionals who work with children are aware that most children, at various ages and stages of their development, are involved in behaviors that explore their bodies and their sexuality. This is normal and a healthy part of growing up.

Some sexual behaviors between and among children, however, are abusive and should be stopped. Studies indicate that over 40% of sexual abuse against children is committed by older children or adolescents. Many of the children who act out in sexually abusive ways towards others were themselves victims of abuse or neglect. This does not mean that children who were sexually abused will go on to become adult perpetrators. In fact, with early detection and supportive therapy with professionals skilled in this area of treatment, most of these children can deal successfully with the abuse and go on to lead normal and productive lives.

How can parents and other adults tell the difference between typical sexual behaviors of children that are not problematic and behaviors that are abusive and should be stopped? These tips can help you better learn the differences.

A sexual behavior is abusive if there is a difference in power or authority in the relationship between the participants. Sometimes, the difference in power or authority is obvious, for example, when there is a difference in:

• Age (One child is 3 or more years older.)
• Size (One child is larger or one is small for his age.)
• Intelligence (One child may be developmentally disabled.)

Sometimes, however, the differences in power or authority among children are not always obvious to adults. When evaluating the sexual interactions of children, it is important for adults to understand the ways children think about themselves in relation to their peers and older children. Some of the factors that can greatly influence children’s behaviors can be more subtle, for example, when there is a difference in:

• Strength (One child is physically strong, or the other slight.)
• Popularity (One child's popularity gives him influence over others.)
• Self-image (One child has low-self esteem and little confidence.)

In addition to these obvious and subtle differences, there are also temporary differences in power or authority that can result from the actions of adults or through child play. For example, when:

• An older child is put in charge of another child, such as when babysitting; or,
• Children are playing a game where someone is made the "king" or the "leader".
  

If you have, don’t panic. It is important to stay calm and not to confront your child in an angry or shaming way. If you suspect the behaviors you have seen are the typical behaviors of children who are exploring their bodies and their sexuality, you may want to calmly interrupt the behavior, and redirect the children to another activity. You may also want to speak privately to your child later about the behavior and discuss your family’s rules or beliefs about it. Please go to the GET CONNECTED section of this site to find out about opportunities in your local community that can help you understand and respond appropriately to the sexual behaviors of children.

If you have witnessed or been made aware of any signs of unequal power or authority in the sexual behaviors of specific children, you should intervene and make sure these behaviors stop. If you are confused or have questions about what you are seeing, go to the GET HELP section of this site. Professionals in your community have been trained to assist you and will help you decide what to do.

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