Tip #1 – Stay Alert for Possible Behavior Signs of Abusers
Tip #2 – Stay Alert for Possible Signs in Children
Tip #3 – Learn to tell normal sexual behaviors of children from abusive ones
Tip #5 – Talk To Your Children Early and Often


 
Tip #5 – Talk To Your Children Early and Often

When I was a child, I was abused over a five-year period by my pediatrician. He told me he would kill me if I told anyone. My parents never warned me about child sexual abuse because they didn’t know it existed. What’s our excuse? … Don’t wait until your child is just a little older. I was only 7.

As adults, it is our responsibility to communicate to children that it is okay to talk to us or ask questions about any situations that make them feel confused or uncomfortable. We need to help children understand that no matter what, their feelings will be respected and taken seriously.

There are key prevention messages we can share with children about their bodies and their rights that will help them feel more confident and that may reduce their risk of abuse. Sharing these messages with your child will make it more likely that he or she will talk to you about anything confusing that might happen to them in the future, including any behaviors that might lead to sexual abuse.

You can begin sharing these concepts with children as early as three years of age. Remember these are prevention messages. It’s easy when you start early and reinforce these messages often. Don’t postpone speaking to your child until they are “just a little older”. The most frequent age of child abuse victims is nine and nearly a quarter of victims are under eight years of age.

“5 Prevention Talking Tips”

Learn these tips, practice saying them and share them with your child.

1. All the parts of our bodies are good and special and they deserve care and respect.

“Just like knees and noses, all body parts have names and can be talked about respectfully. The names for what some people call ‘private parts’ are penis, vagina, breasts, and buttocks.”

Talk to your child about these body parts in an open and relaxed way. When we purposely avoid mentioning private body parts, we send our children the message that these parts are not to be spoken about and mentioning them makes us uncomfortable. Perpetrators count on children to follow their parents’ lead not to bring up matters involving private body parts.

2. Grown-ups and older children have no business “playing” with a child’s private body parts.

“Sometimes grown-ups need to help children with washing or wiping these body parts, but that’s not the same as playing with them. Sometimes doctors need to help children by examining these body parts. But they never do that without a nurse or parent present and it’s never a secret.”

3. Grown-ups and older children never, ever need help from children with their private body parts.

“If any grown-up or older child should ask for this kind of help, you can come and tell me right away, even if it’s someone in our family or someone we know. Also, if any grown-up or older child shows you their private parts or pictures of private parts, you can come and tell me. I promise I will listen and I will not be angry. If you are ever feeling 'mixed up' about anything, including secrets, feelings, or private body parts, you can tell me and I promise I will help you."

4. Surprises are good for children but secrets are not.

“Surprises are secrets that are meant to be fun when they are told, like a surprise party. But secrets that are not supposed to be told can be dangerous because they don’t let me know if you are safe. For example, if a friend is playing with matches, someone offers you drugs, or someone is playing with your private body parts or asking you to help them with theirs, I won’t be able to keep you safe if I don’t know about it.”

5. You are a special person and deserve to be treated with love and respect.

“You are special because……….”

Children with a strong sense of self-esteem and who are confident and assertive may be less likely to be targeted by a sexual offender.

Find ways and words to express love to your child every day. Spend quality time with your child and always provide appropriate supervision.

Just as parents have to remind children regularly to do homework, clean their rooms, brush their teeth, etc., parents need to have ongoing communication with their children about these important body safety messages. Avoid a one-time lecture or discussion about child sexual abuse. Instead take the opportunity to weave these simple prevention messages into everyday conversations and situations. Let your children know that talking to them about these issues means you take seriously your responsibility to protect them.

REMEMBER – it’s easy, if you start early and talk often.

Working together, we as parents, adults and communities can prevent the sexual abuse of our children!

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We hope these tips have helped you better understand the nature and scope of child sexual abuse. If you are ready and interested in speaking with other parents, concerned adults, and trained professionals about this information, go to the GET CONNECTED section of this site. There you will find out about local meetings and trainings in your community that will help you gain the skills to be an effective advocate in the fight against child sexual abuse.



Thanks you to the following organizations for their contributing information:

Care For Kids, Ontario Health Ministry, Canada
From Darkness to Light, Charleston, South Carolina
Kempe Children’s Center, Denver, Colorado
Stop It Now! Haydenville, Massachusetts