Tip #1 – Stay Alert for Possible Behavior Signs of Abusers
Tip #2 – Stay Alert for Possible Signs in Children
Tip #3 – If Suspicious, Check It Out
Tip #4 – Learn to tell normal sexual behaviors of children from abusive ones
Tip #5 – Talk To Your Children Early and Often


Child sexual abuse is a significant threat against children everywhere – no matter which age, social, economic or cultural groups they belong to. According to researchers, one out of every four girls and one out of every six to ten boys will be sexually abused by the age of eighteen. These are daunting numbers for parents and caregivers to face. However, because of the courage of child and adult victims who have come forward, we now know better than ever before how to respond effectively to this threat.

Until now, secrecy around child sexual abuse was a perpetrator’s best protection. Today that protection is being eroded as more people are becoming aware of the problem and are committed to doing what they can to prevent it. According to a public opinion poll conducted in 2003, over 40% of Massachusetts citizens said they would be interested in participating in local trainings to learn how to prevent child sexual abuse in their homes and communities.

This section will help parents, concerned adults and communities learn:

• How to protect children from individuals and situations that might pose a safety risk, and
• How to establish good communications with children so that any threats can be identified and addressed immediately.

Here are Five Tips to get you started:

Tip #1 – Stay Alert for Possible Behavior Signs of Abusers

Niceness is a decision… a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait.

Individuals who sexually abuse children are often described as nice, likeable, socially adept, and even charming. Most are considered by those around them to be loyal friends, good employees and responsible members of the community. But remember, public appearance does not always reflect private behavior.

In a process called “grooming”, those who sexually abuse children often go to great lengths to appear trustworthy and kind, not only to the children they target and eventually victimize but also to their parents and other adults around them. Grooming a child and family gradually over time allows them to build trust and gain access to their target while appearing to be above reproach or suspicion.

Because of their skills at manipulation and deception, there is no foolproof checklist of behaviors that will definitely spot a potential offender. Contrary to popular belief, there is no one profile which fits all abusers. This makes it very difficult to immediately distinguish them from others who interact with your kids. However, by gaining insight into the ways offenders think and the strategies they use, parents and caregivers can learn to be more vigilant in protecting their children.

Remember that these behaviors, when taken alone or together, don't predict sexual abuse. However, according to original research conducted by Stop It Now!, the behaviors described below were identified as warning signs or an indication that you may need to begin asking some questions.

Have you seen these behavioral signs in adults who interact with your children?

• Doesn’t appear to have a regular number of adult friends and prefers to spend free time interacting with children and teenagers who are not his own;
  
• Finds ways to be alone with a child or teen when adults are not likely to interrupt, e.g. taking the child for a car ride, arranging a special trip, frequently offering to baby sit, etc.;
  
• Ignores a child’s verbal or physical cues that he or she does not want to be hugged, kissed, tickled, etc.;
  
• Seems to have a different special child or teen friend of a particular age or appearance from year to year;
  
• Doesn’t respect a child’s or teen’s privacy in the bathroom or bedroom;
  
• Gives a child or teen money or gifts for no particular occasion;
  
• Discusses or asks a child or teen to discuss sexual experiences or feelings;
  
• Views child pornography through tapes, photographs, magazines or the Internet (In addition to being an important behavioral sign, possessing, viewing and/or selling child pornography is a criminal offense and should be reported.)

Important points to remember are that people who sexually abuse children are experts at gaining our confidence. They look for situations where they can have easy access to children. Sometimes, they do this by choosing work that will give them “cover” at schools, youth groups, sports teams and other places where children live and play. Sometimes, they work to establish relationships with adults first so they will eventually gain access to their children.

Be careful and slow in choosing the people you allow into your family’s circle of trust and be ready to exclude someone from that circle at the first indication they might be unsafe.

The vast majority of sexual abuse happens when adults and children are in one-on-one situations. You can reduce the risk, therefore, by reducing opportunity. Carefully consider any situation that places your child alone with an adult in an unsupervised situation. Support activities for your child that can occur in a group setting where there are several adults present. If your child must be left alone with an adult while you’re away, try to arrange for someone to drop in unexpectedly from time to time.

By letting people know that you do not take your child’s safety for granted, you send a message to abusers that your child is not an easy target.

^back to top